Friday, December 26, 2008

i am job

today i got this email through

Hi. How are you?
I think we can talk about lots things and do the people watch thing.
Would you like to get a cup of coffee?

I am Dennis.

... it kind of reminds me of that scene from "mrs. doubtfire", where robin williams calls sally field and pretends to be crazy people applying to nanny their children.

Thursday, December 25, 2008


i've had this stuck in my head for days now. so in the christmas spirit i'm sharing it with all of you, my faithful readers.

do yourself a favor and go watch the video on youtube, it wouldn't let me embed it.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

i went to a holiday party last night

where i spilled my drink on a stranger. i did the right thing and introduced myself with, "hi, i'm matt. i just spilled my drink on you." it didn't go over as well as i thought it would.
wounded from her dirty look, i spent the next 15 minutes making fun of her outfit... it was very 1998.

Friday, December 19, 2008

remember, oh i don't know fifteen years ago, when meeting people on the internet was wierd and creepy and often a subject for the maury povich show?

so after a few good bouts of procrastination and some encouragement from friends i joined
anywho it led me to tonight's date. he's the second man i've met through the site; and while the date i had last night went swimmingly, this one didn't.

reason #1.
he thought it would be nice to be a muslim woman living in the middle east. that whole freedom from choice thing is apparently enticing to some?

reason #2.
he was a vegetarian. but i'm suspicious that he's really a vegan. also when i asked him if he had any moral reason why he abstained from meat, he told me it was mostly a "control issue". control issue. it sounds so smug.

reason #3.
and i couldn't stop thinking about it the entire time we drank our coffee and ate a small chocolate cake. i met him in the virgin mega-store, where he bought a shania twain cd.

addendum. he also used the word "sexy" as a noun and an adjective.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

nude models strip to protest low pay...

doesn't that seem a little backwards. you're protesting by giving them what they want.

Monday, December 15, 2008

location, location, location

last night i dreamed i got a tattoo of a green rose. this morning i thought it was funny and i that i should write it up. i did a google search of "green rose tattoo". surprisingly someone has such a tattoo.

mine was on my forearm, which is not quite as elegant as this young lady's placement.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

things i learn from busboys

since i've been working in a restaurant, i've picked up the strange habit of calling everyone "papi" and "mami".
it probably sounds incredibly inauthentic coming from my mouth.
perhaps even a little "bobo".

Thursday, December 11, 2008

a long and not very interesting story demonstrating my stupidity

im taking this drafting class, and its involves a lot of materials. a lot more than i initially anticipated, but thats neither here nor there.
one of the tools i needed was this ruler that you attach to your drawing board so its parallel and all your drawings are perfect and beautiful.
i'd never seen one of these contraptions before, so i took me a WHILE to figure out that mine was broken and maybe missing pieces. after waiting in dick blick for an hour and a half (also i had thrown away the receipt) i finally got the manager to give me an even exchange.
but they didn't have another in the size i needed, so they would order it and call me when it arrived.

so i wait a week, hear nothing, and then call the art store to see whats going on.

surprise surprise they know nothing about what happened and i spent a good 45 minutes telling the manager my story and describing who helped me, a big black girl with tattoos, a little white girl who was in charge of inventory.
he replied little white girls weren't incharge of anything here.
anywho long story short he agreed to accept my return without a receipt and all i needed to do was come in.

i walked to dick blick, realizing when i walked in the door i had called utrecht.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

has anyone seen

...the new airborne commercial with the woman who invented the stuff? and she's talking about how she sold her company and then didn't like how it was being run so she bought it back. it all comes across as if she is incredibly angry and is barely keeping control of herself.
then she finishes with a thank you to everyone who buys airborne... but it feels more like a warning. like, "if you don't keep buying it, you can't imagine what i will do to your family".