as of late...

i've been obsessed with two things that come out of bodies.

1. poop. but more specifically its regularity within my system.
2. babies. and how cute they are. i probably think about babies about as much as martha stewart's daughter does... and that's a lot.

also, i've been making lot's of list with just two items... which isn't really a list, it's kind of just two things.

the other day...

while in duane reade i followed this guy around. and i've been thinking about it alot... probably more than i should.

I first started following him because i heard his english accent. and then it was because i saw that he had running shorts and nice legs. but i kept up following because he was speaking really loudly and his conversation was a bit too intimate to having in the snack food aisle.

long story short.
he's just moved here from london with his girlfriend/wife on her prompting. and he's not liking the change. he HATES his new apartment. (too dark and the kitchen's too small)... get used to it i say, it's the east village.
and then here's the kicker. as i follow him to the checkout he says, "is it the best decision we've ever made? no. it's not screaming in my face that it is". isn't that a really horrible and great thing to say all at once.

so many things.
who was he talking to? do you think his old lady knew how he really felt?


so really just two questions.

when on the subway one should not...

1. eat curry.
2. smell like urine.

we've been over this new york... why do you constantly disappoint? let's get it together.

new passive aggressive activity that passes time

i'm growing out my hair right now. and it's become one of my favorite topics of conversation... much to the annoyance of everyone else. two of my favorite talking points.

1. i've stopped using shampoo. truly i have. i just wash thoroughly with hot water and then use a little product. i enjoy telling people this because it's kind of gross and fascinating. now i'm like one of those people that stops wearing deodorant and starts using crystals.

2. i like complaining about my hair and how it's too wild and too big. i especially like telling this to my friends who are balding. for emphasis say it in a voice that says, "boy are you lucky."

open mouth, insert foot

if there's one thing i'm good at it's people watching. if there's a second thing i'm good at, it's making snide comments regarding the people i'm watching. and if there is a third thing i'm good at it's sticking my foot in my mouth.
while out to dinner on friday night with my roommate jermaine and some friends of his, i noticed a man a chinstrap beard.
(while i do enjoy facial hair... i'm not a fan of novelty beards, moustaches, or sideburns.)
as i was quipping that chinstrap beards are for fat people who want to give the world the illusion that they do infact own a chin and or jawline, i realized that jermaine's good friend was also an owner of the afformentioned whiskers.
i stopped midsentance, looked around, and decided that i needed another beer... he pretended not to notice.

more about the homeless

this morning a homeless guy was begging on the subway.
"anyone spare a quarter? anyone spare some change? i am truly amazing. been off of drugs and drink for a year. truly amazing."
i doubt that he is truly amazing... the man selling batteries? now that is truly amazing.

too much

this evening after a fun night out, i shared a cab home with my friend juliet... who had made a really tasty cucumber prosecco drink... and enjoyed a few of them.
she asked, "did i make a fool of myself? i think i was too drunk. i am too drunk. are you sure i didn't make a fool of myself. i think i did."
we replied, "oh no, julie you were fine. eveyone had a good time and had a lot to drink."
the cabdriver says, "yes. you are making a fool of yourself."
"thank you, marzak." says juliet, reading his cabbie license. "thank you for telling the truth.