and he's mean

remember when michael jackson called tommy mottola "very, very, very devilish"? i love that he used "very" three times in addition to the word "devilish" and still wanted his claims of racism to to be taken seriously.
i mean he's michael jackson.

a word of advice

today i was told by one of our bar regulars (and this is in all honesty from me, and was in all sincerity from him) that i need to stop raising my eyebrows and making certain facial expressions because he warns i will develop ugly wrinkles prematurely aging my young face.
and i mean i guess this is true; my forehead will eventually wrinkle. but on the otherhand, i do get a lot of strangers telling me to smile more... the homeless in particular, they especially love telling me to smile.

i had a sex dream

...about my roommate gina. in my dream we were dating. it was working out pretty awesomely, we had a lot of fun together and we kept our own bedrooms. but every couple of days we knew we had to meet in the living room to do the deed. it was really uncomfortable and we wouldn't look at each other.
i woke up disoriented.

every day

...i have to walk through times square twice to get to and from work. times square sucks for a number of reasons, but number one has got to be(and this is by a long shot) the tourists. the obnoxious european tourists of the summer have disappeared, but now that its almost thanksgiving they've been usurped by fat american tourists.
fat american tourists who talk loudly in flat screetchy accents while they stop in the middle of the sidewalk holding hands five-abreast so that one of them can buy a fake louis vuitton.

the error of my ways

i was invited to attend the out awards by my friend kristen. i had worked that night (it was a long one... a lot of difficult tables) and she met me at the restaurant for a drink before. when we got to the party there was a super long line just to get your name checked on the list.
ooops are names weren't on the list. we went to the end of another long line to try and talk to the door person...

flash back: early that night i had a man at an incomplete table wave me over and then tell me (in a disagreeable voice) they couldn't find there waiter. my reasons for not helping them? 1. he was right next to the table. 2. i didn't like the look on his face or the sound of his voice. so instead of taking their order i told them the server would help them soon.

back at the door: you probably see this coming, but the door person is that man. we leave after we see him.

i'm thinking about being nicer at work.

a couple of months ago

...i was feeling nostalgic and emailed an old boyfriend of mine. after a nice note back, i responded and invited him out for a drink or coffee.
never heard anything back.
until a couple of weeks later when i received a mass email with some inspirational quotes urging me to see a very serious documentary about some very sad poor people. and they keep coming.
i already hate mass emails (whether containing bad jokes or political commentary), but these are worse.

for the last 15 minutes...

there has been a homeless man standing outside my window. everytime a woman walks by he yells, "hey! hey! you know me! i'm brian gumble!"

overheard on 110th and lenox

while waiting in line at a bodega.

guy on phone: oh baby, oh baby, that don't mean nothin'! i was drunk on nyquil! that don't mean nothing.

he then ordered two nyquil gel tabs from the clerk.

oh happy day

how great that obama will be the president? it's just like morgan freeman in "deep impact".